By Bob Hoffmann - August 1996
As we care for our loved ones, suffering from Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia, we frequently find events that make us smile. To some, seeing a grown person do things that a child would do is just a reminder of the dementing process, and has certainly brought tears to our eyes at times as we remember the Shirley that used to be. But the journey is long, and soon we find a different person that can be enjoyed, like a child, and it is important for us to cherish these moments, as they will also soon be gone. Here we share some of our humorous experiences with Shirley as her journey passes through this period that we refer to as "The Return to Innocence".
- We were picking up some groceries at the super market and Shirley got away from me as she sometimes does... I don't worry, because she usually shows up at the end of the next aisle with her arms full of something... When I did not see her for awhile, I went up front to to wait for her, and found her standing next to another man attempting to go through the checkout line, throwing candy and gum into his cart... He had this frantic look on his face, and was taking it out as fast as she was putting it in! I rescued him... and have been more careful as it is clear that she would run off with whoever offers her a bag of M&Ms and a smile!
- Shirley was at a point where she answered negatively to everything. On Mother's day we got her up telling her it was time to take her shower... "I don't want to take a shower!", ....... lets put on the white tennis shoes today... "I don't want to put on the white tennis shoes today!", ........ time to brush your teeth.... "I don't want to brush my teeth!!". She has kind of a musical way of responding. Then I said to her that it was a nice sunny day, the kids were coming over, it was Mother's day and we were going to celebrate, and that she was going to have a GREAT DAY!! She immediately replied.. "I don't want to have a GREAT DAY!!".
- We have an electronic digital scale in our bathroom. When you first step on it, it registers zeroes for some period of time while it is adjusting itself. Shirley frequently goes in to weigh herself and comes out with a big smile on her face saying "well.. I weigh zero again!".
- Shirley and I take frequent walks during the day. During the winter we use the track at the YMCA, and in the summer we walk around a small lake in the middle of the city. She walks along slow with no expression, and then when someone passes us that is walking fast and swinging their arms up in the air, she will take off after them, imitating them and throwing her hands up in the air, leaving me in stitches, but clearly surprising the person she is following.
- Shirley gets flirtatious periodically (others may call it ornery). She frequently forgets to turn the water off in the bathroom or kitchen after she uses it. One day she came out of our bathroom and I could hear the water running and reminded her to go back in and shut it off. She came back smiling and said she turned it off.. Recognizing the smile, I went and checked, and found she had left the water on wide open, and then closed the door so I could not hear it!
- My daughter was home from college. When we went upstairs in mid afternoon one day to find out what Shirley was doing, we found her laying in bed asleep, with Niki's mod sun glasses on as if she were incognito!
- One day when we went to the small lake in the center of town to go walking, I was locking the car doors while Shirley started down the path.... shortly I heard a "Hello!.. Hello!.. Hello please!!" and found that she had taken the hand of a lady that was walking down the path and was off "truckin" with her! We rescued the lady and continued on our walk.
- Shirley is amorous and likes to pat people on the back. They are "love" pats, but she can hit a bit hard sometimes, and we find ourselves watching over our shoulders when we hear her coming. One day when we were shopping at the local super market, on the way out we walked through the video section to look for a movie to rent. Not finding one, I took her hand and we proceeded for the door. As we passed a lady that was bent over looking at a video, Shirley just reached out and whacked her on the behind as we passed. Thankfully I was able to convince the lady that it was her and not I, and she understood!
- After her shower, I will "blow dry" her hair, and as it takes both of my hands, she takes that opportunity to punch me in the stomach a few time with this big grin on her face... I learned to go behind her when I blow her hair to escape from her punches, and she quickly learned that her elbows work just as well! So... I have learned to just stiffen up my stomach and now have one of the toughest stomachs in the neighborhood... who needs one of those fancy machines from TV!
- We attended church as long as we could, as Shirley enjoyed singing the hymns. Last time we had communion, it was the type where everyone marched in a line down to the front of the church, tore the bread, then dipped it in a wine chalice and put it their mouth. I walked Shirley through it, getting the bread and then dipping it... but when she put it in her mouth, she turned and faced the congregation with her face wrinkled up and went "yuk!". I did not know whether to laugh or cry, so with a sheepish grin, just took her back to her seat.
- At an Alzheimer's seminar, a "Nurse Heart" presentation on humor used a red ball split to make a clown's nose as a technique. I took mine home and when we sat down to eat would just slip it on and "let her discover it"... When she would see it, she would laugh and try to take it off, chasing me around the house... this became a daily event for awhile with either her or I putting on the clown's nose to break up the monotony of the day.
© 1996-2001 Hoffmann Computer Enterprises